Kevin+Essay+Feedback

Kevin, this is a good start. Nice attention grabber though make sure to have someone check your grammar, "popularitiest" is not a word. Try using "common" instead. The attention grabber goes on too long. Rather then jumping to an answer like "People who use empathy with facility always beat his/her arch-rival." trying getting to your connection and using it to explore your question. In fact I wouldn't even mention empathy at the beginning of the essay, just use the connection to explore the idea of misunderstanding. I think that would make a much better connection then the simple one you have right now. Like for example " As we all know,white people always look down on black people and regard black people as enemies." This is not true! All white people look down on black people? Me too? And Atticus? Try to avoid big generalizations like that and instead focus on real details. You need to look at a real specific fight caused by a misunderstanding. Who is misunderstanding who? Why? That will lead to a clearer thesis


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