Malak+Essay+Feedback

Malak this is a solid level 4 Introduction. To get into 4+ territory we have to push your ideas one step further. Your AG asks why do we still discriminate if it has only caused problems in the past? This is a really difficult question. To answer it you need to use your connection to look at where the discrimination came from in Omar's case. Don't worry about TKMB. you can look at that in the body. Instead answer WHY no one believes Omar. This will hopefully help you refine your thesis:"If mankind was to forget about yesterday, tomorrow would be a better place." While this sounds nice it is too broad: without yesterday, our past, we would lose out history, our identity, our knowledge. In your trial, and Tom's, they need to look at the past and decide what truly happened. We decide what happened in the past by using the facts we know to make a judgement as to what was most likely. Yet in both trials the facts are not enough (though you need to show this in your connection). Why not? Well you say the answer yourself: we want to be like everyone else. I**n the end this fear out-weighs the facts.** If you are able to show this idea using your connection you will have a stronger introduction. And then in the conclusion you can start thinking about WHY this fear wins.