John+Essay+Feedback

Wow John! Your introduction is definitely level 4.

So lets look at your PPEs. They too look very good, level 3+/4. The only thing I could work on, besides try to use some quotations, is this idea of the circle of hate. You did not mention or explain this idea in your introduction and so I feel it does not fit in well with your PPEs. You introduction described well the idea of difference "the gaps" between people, and how empathy eliminates that gap. So instead of talking about the circle of hate examine how this gap can shrink or grow between people. For example your last explain is going really well until you say this:

sometimes ignoring is a skill, especially when others say or do something that is not properly. Because it will make everybody feel comfortable. To be more specifically, if everyone just complains about the things they don’t like, how can everyone alive in the society of criticize? The more complain there is, the more conflicts there will be. Therefore, to make fewer conflicts, just accept others, it is important for empathy. Finally, to break the circle of hate, empathy is the key.

This is unclear because you stop talking about the example. Focus on teachers by hitting scout and widening the gap, what problems is she creating for herself in the future? What should teachers do instead to narrow the gap? Focus on the idea of conflict resolution.


 * Level 4**