William+Essay+Feedback

William you have some great ideas. For example your attention grabber is a very strong idea, but you have to work on your grammar to express it clearer. You write: " Once you reading a newspaper you can easy to get notice from a picture. But the real one to touch your emotionally or shock you are the words your read because it can resonating with your heart." I think you are trying to say:

"People reading newspapers always look at the pictures first. But what really touches their emotions or stimulates their mind are the words. Words and stories have a unique power to make you feel the way a picture cannot."

I think you should focus on this idea, what can words do that pictures cannot? Use your connection to find out! This is your biggest problem, you have NO CONNECTION and so you seem to lose focus. All you have to do is find ANY newspaper article, in Chinese or in English, and compare the words of the story to the picture. This will show you one aspect of the real power of words. Forget lawyers, judges and 'nigger' for a moment. Just look at your example and see what you can find out about this magic power. After you find out an interesting idea then you can compare/contrast in your body to see if this power of words is in TKMB.


 * Level 2-**