Mirabelle+Essay+Feedback

Mirabelle, this is a great start to your essay! Let's look first at your attention grabber. It is a very strong idea, but try to use short clear sentences. If you take "People will have different attitude to a people when they really know him or her . People will have first impression to a person when he see the person, after that , people will change his (her) impression about this person though he (her) know the person ." you can make it much clearer by using short sentences:

"People always have first impressions of others. The more they get to know them though, the more this impression changes."

Unfortunately you are missing the rest of the first paragraph. Can you think of any movie or newspaper story where someone has the wrong first impression of someone else? You need to find one for your connection. Also you need to work towards a thesis. Consider this question: why do we get stuck on first impressions?

Lets look at your first PPE: "Before Scout contact Boo, she had a bad attitude Boo . “He was a thin leathery man with colorless eyes , so colorless they did not reflect light , His cheekbones were sharp and his mouth was wide , with a thin upper lip and a full lower lip ”(Harper , chapter 1 , P14) . Before she knew Boo , she thought that Boo was a evil and horrible man . Many children said Boo was a dangerous man and Scout thought so."

Great point, good proof, but all you need for citation is (Lee, 14). Your explain is what you really need to work on. Right now it is only one sentence and does not use ANYTHING from the proof. The only reason to have a quote is if you are going to look at the words closely in your explain. In your explain you do not mention once about Boo's appearance. What kind of man does Boo look like? Explain how this first impression is different from what she expected. How is it unfair that she had an impression about Boo without even meeting him.

Again your explains will be much stronger once you have a thesis to prove, so this is what you really need to work on the most.


 * Level 2**