Molly+Essay+Feedback

Molly your attention grabber is beautiful. Your connection is very interesting as well. Where you run into trouble is that your connection does not look closely at the example. I could tell the students who bullied Jamie that they should feel empathy, but will they listen to me? These students already know your thesis, that we are supposed to understand each other, but they choose to ignore it. Why? Where does this hate come from and how can it be so strong? To have a stronger thesis those are some questions your connection needs to consider.


 * Level 2+/3-**