Jethro+Essay+Feedback

Jethro, great work! Your paragraph shows that clearly you are trying the three parts of the intro paragraph. First off make sure you use spell check for the final draft you hand in next week. Your attention grabber is good, you reach an interesting question. Your connection could be much stronger. Look closer at your example. Try to avoid sayingf saying something too simple like "Write people hate black people.", because Jake is white and therefore you are wrong. Instead try to think, why does Jake show empathy and help Carl Lee? Why did Carl Lee kill those boys? And think specifically about the main racist who hates Jake, why is he so mad? What did Carl Lee do that made him so angry? The answer to all these questions, good and evil, is the same: family. Think about that. These questions will help you form a much stronger thesis: where does this evil come from? What seed does it sprout from?


 * Level 2**